I am going to record my everyday progress on my research and thoughts of my life and this is the beginning. First, i would like to say, yes I am chinese hence the rock lee reference.
Work progress: Had to do a stupid essay, still haven't done any reading on my actual work, when am I gonna do some real work??? what am I gonna put on my end of year report about my first year? nothing?? sigh. Plus, I totally messed up the essay. Didn't know what to write so I wrote crap in the hopes that no one other than the marker will ever read it. ever!!!
Life: Saw a trailer for a movie today, it's call "Dark matter". About a chinese student going to America to do a ph.D on dark matter, it is based on an actual event where this chinese student didn't get what he wanted in life from his academics and ended up shooting 5 of them dead. You know what my first thought of that was? Why am I not clever like those chinese students from China?? and then I thought, I wonder if my prof. knows about this movie or the news about the shooting from 1991. I wonder if he thinks about me like that.
I think I am far too lazy. I should be more hard working to make up for my missing talent which is a brain.
The problem is that I lose concentration soo easily, I cannot focus on my work or what I am reading or what I am writing for more than 10 mins. I am disgusted with myself, I am. I also hate myself when I go off and waste a whole day (during the weekends) on watching films or whatever. I mean, last night I was watching videos of beatboxers for fucking three hours; when I should be working on my stupid essay. I hate myself. I have no self control.
What have I done to improve on that? nothing, thats what
and I am sick of it. I am gonna work bloody hard from now on, I know I have been saying it since a-levels and I never actually do it. But as Dr. King once said something about the "fierce urgency of now", I need to change and the fierce urgency to change in now, not later. Therefore, this is the beginning of my record of my progress in changing. I NEED TO CHANGE. I NEED to understand why I need to change and but time is gold.
Change
I cannot end of the blog without mentioning "her", she is coming soon but let's talk about her on a later date.
Anyway, let the change begin!!!!